2013–2014: A Year of Chaos and Change

    The year of 2013 into 2014 was yet another chapter of chaos in my life—though I didn’t know it then, change was on the horizon.

    I stayed on a destructive path: drinking too much, staying out too late with friends, and constantly searching for love in all the wrong places. I was still living with Kara—who was like a mother to me—trying to be somewhat responsible by paying rent, keeping up with bills (to an extent), completing online college courses, and working full-time. But none of that ever stopped me from drinking.

    After attending a friend’s wedding, I had a moment of reckoning. I looked in the mirror and saw someone I didn’t recognize or want to be. I was miserable. I was gaining weight from the drinking. And deep down, I knew I needed a change.

    After a heartfelt conversation with Kara, we agreed it was time for me to move on. I ended up relocating to Wilmington, NC, with her then-husband, Bill, in hopes of starting fresh and bettering my life. It was the beginning of 2014 when I took the leap—packed up my belongings and left the only place I had called home since 2007. I was nervous, scared, and overwhelmed with emotion. I didn’t know anyone there except Bill, Kara (who would eventually join us), and Blake—a friend I ended up dating.

    That relationship, like the ones before, ended up being another dead end. I bent over backwards trying to feel loved by someone who couldn’t—or wouldn’t—give the same energy in return.

    In April 2014, I started a new job at RedVentures Home Insurance as a Customer Qualifications Agent. Since jobs in the hospitality industry were nearly impossible to come by, I found myself on an entirely new career path. While this new adventure didn’t stop my drinking altogether, it did slow it down some.

    There was a local bar within walking distance from our apartment that Blake, Bill, and I would occasionally visit. It wasn’t your typical bar—it had cornhole, beer pong, and sand volleyball. It became one of my regular hangout spots.

    As I continued searching for myself—for the person I wanted and needed to become—I started attending Lifepoint Church. I went every Sunday, faithfully, and even joined the host team and participated in events. I made some genuine friendships through the church and, on August 24, 2014, I rededicated my life to Christ. Surrounded by people who had become friends, it was a decision I will never regret.

    But rededicating my life didn’t mean I was perfect—I was still sinning and struggling to live fully in alignment with Christ. Loneliness crept in again, and I turned to a dating app, Plenty of Fish, where I met a guy named David.

    At first, he seemed different. He wanted to spend time with me, showed me off in public, and didn’t hide me like others had. I remember him waiting for me at the mall while I got my nails done—something so small, yet it felt meaningful.

    But over time, the cracks started to show. His stories didn’t add up. He got upset over the smallest things. I’ll never forget when we booked a hotel for three nights, and after the first night, he just left—without telling me. And yes, I had paid for the room.

    Once again, I was left heartbroken, chasing love in places where it wasn’t meant to be found. All I ever wanted was to be loved—but I was still looking for it in all the wrong places.

Prior to being baptized. 

Rising up from the water -
baptized by Pastor Jeff at 
Lifepoint Church in Wilmington
North Carolina



















Typical night out at the bar with friends.



 

Look at the weight in my face - all from alcohol but
this never stopped me. Another night out at the 
bar with friends. 






In March 2014 I did attempt to build
my self-confidence up by 
getting professional photos done. 





In this moment - I felt somewhat confident. 










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